Prompted by an invite to Tha.Speakeasy Facebook event on April 17th & 18th, I read my poem, Bad Mom, which I’m posting here.
Bad mom
Selfish mom
Ineffective mom
Permissive mom
Bipolar mom
At times, abusive mom
At times, out of control mom
At times, rageful mom
She’s even hit her kid
She’s even slapped her kid
No excuse
No excuse to hit a child
No excuse to slap a child
[…] Bad Mom […]
Thank you.
🙂
I learn from my triggers.
Adult survivors of child abuse must accept the horrible truth that what we endured was inexcusable. And that we will spend the rest of our lives bearing witness to the inexcusable instead of what we would have wanted and done had we not endured the unacceptable.
Good poetry makes us feel and the best makes us uncomfortable.
I’m glad I read the poem. 🙂
Sorry if I triggered you, Robert. Just felt that the issue of child abuse must be addressed openly.
Thank you for sharing!
I can’t describe what I feel….
Reblogged this on Kitt O'Malley and commented:
Old post, but always relevant for those of us who parent while human.
[…] rage. Yesterday morning, I lost my temper with my son when he would not wake up and go to school. I hit him on the arm to rise him. I hurt him. I abused him. He cried. He rolled up into a ball and cried. I […]
You are welcome.
Thank you!
Thank you, Indah. Mothering is a challenge, for anyone.
A powerful and moving post – the video gives me goosebump..My mother lost temper once a while when I was little, the older I gets the more I understand her circumstnces. I respect and stay loving her. Perhaps without her compassion I would not be as a strong person as I am today. And I always admire your courage and supporting you along the way. Hugs, Indah
The statistics I read on mothers abusing their kids was cited as physical/emotional. And you’re right, I also have a lot more respect and compassion for my parents now.
I do not know if those statistics are accurate. There is also the issue of severity, degree of injury, and emotional vs. physical vs. sexual abuse.
Most mothers are in the trenches with their children. We are exhausted. We lose our temper. Honestly, both my sister and I have far more compassion for our mother now that we are mothers.
Most parental sexual abusers, on the other hand, are fathers. Though mothers can and do sexually abuse.
I believe that unless we bring the issue out into the light of day, it will continue in the shadows – hidden.
I recently read that moms are more abusive than fathers. Don’t ask me to pull out references…some website on mental illness and family violence…they said that even if mothers are abusive they still get full custody the majority of the time after separation/divorce. I never wanted to think about it, but I think it’s true. There’s so much of a heavy “burden” of care when one is not well herself to take care of children.
I’m happy to hear you’re in a better space. Talking about it is really important.
Thanks, Lisa!
A brave poem. And a great dramatization. Thanks for sharing it!
It has gotten better over the years. The early years were the hardest. My son is growing into a wonderful young man. My husband and I adore him, and he knows it.
I’ve done or been all of those things. Thank God my kids knew how much I really did (and do) love them, because they’ve forgiven me and we have great relationships. It does get better, Kitt. You’ll see. 🙂
Maybe a napping horse, loudly snoring.
Now that would be disturbing.
True. I have apologized and I do my VERY best to be as healthy as possible and as loving as possible. Yet, I live with niggling fear. That rage, that monster, that beast, lives inside of me. She is part and parcel of me. Medications help. Writing helps. Peer support helps. My husband helps. Still, she lurks. I fear her.
Blahpolar EMAILS you! I am so jealous (and I’m not even a lesbian – well, I did try once, but just the idea of going down on her made me physically ill, so I bailed – I hoped that love would conquer all, but some things are just hard-wired – and, yes, I was 19-20 – it was a very frustrating and weird celibate romantic friendship). How’s that for a confession. Luckily I’m incognito. Wait, I’m not! Do I give a fuck? No. Would my son? Yep. That’s why he avoids my blog like the plague and hopes that none of his friends read it or make the connection. Maybe that’s also why he never invites anyone over? Actually, he’s made it clear that school is more than enough in person social stimulation for him. I respect him for drawing his line.
LOL. Responding to Blahpolar comment had me in tears. Sure you can relate. We’ve both been there, and it sucks. My heart aches for our children. My heart aches for us, for we truly do love them so.
Thank you.
I do not shy from controversy. We cannot address child abuse if we do not own it. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is worse than seeing fear in your child’s eyes. Shit. I’m tearing up now. Crap.
(snicker) A dead horse I adore!
It would be like vlogging a dead horse, Dy.
I watched it again and your expression at the end is heartbreaking….I got tears.
“Never” is right, sweet one.
In an ideal, mental-illness free-utopia, that is. These things happen when one has bipolar disorder. Are we totally at fault for our egregious actions? I think not.
I’ve done all the things on your list and my mom has done all of them to me. But now that I’m 100% better on my meds and I’m stable, I refrain from the abuse & hitting and I’ve turned things around a great deal. I still berate myself for my past actions but I can’t do anything about that.
Oh, I’ll be after you yet to make a vlog….hee hee hee.
It’s so bizarre that I haven’t heard your voice nor seen your visage.
You could hide behind S. for a start….
p.s. Will email you back soon – I’ve been in a fatigue-ish funk. Doing a little better after watching our feisty friend Kitt here; she got me fired up!
Fantastic rendition!!!!!!! A+++!!!! Gave me f*cking chills.
You rock even more than my geologist husband with this one, my friend
Proud of you. Glad to hear your voice as you owned your voice!
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Lines 9 and 10 are brave admissions and I would imagine, rather controversial to read and to hear. Very cool to see you in action, wish everyone (except me) would make videos so I can put voices and faces to avatars.
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