Kitt O’Malley

Still Insecure

in

#BeReal Image of me without make-up on left, wrinkles and turkey neck evident. Image of me with make-up and hair blown dry straight on right, no wrinkles or turkey neck in evidence.

Hastywords asked me to participate in her #BeReal campaign. On my first response to one of her questions, I showed my insecurity rather than my confidence. Both are just as much a part of me. Just as real. I am not without self-doubt or self-loathing. I am both confident and insecure.

Here is her question and my first response. (I rewrote it and sent her a more confident response for publication.)

Q: What do you think most people think about you by just seeing your picture?

A: Left-hand image: middle-aged, fat, plain, sex-less. Right-hand image: white privileged bitch.

Honestly, I have no desire to analyze my response. Only want to put it out there. Sometimes I feel good about myself, other times I do not. I am not as sexy as I once was.

I do not present myself as sexy, for that would be inappropriate. My son would die of embarrassment, and my husband prefers that I present that side of myself in private only to him.

I am aware that I am privileged. I know that. I look like the educated, upper middle class suburban mother that I am. When I speak, I often use big words, which can be offputting. Not everyone likes me. So be it.

Comments

40 responses to “Still Insecure”

  1. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you, Sheri.

  2. sheridegrom - From the literary and legislative trenches. Avatar
    sheridegrom – From the literary and legislative trenches.

    Kitt, I love the honesty you bring to each of your blogs.

  3. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you, Chris.

  4. Chris Pollock Art Avatar
    Chris Pollock Art

    That sound pretty real to me! It also sounds like a reality many of us share. Be real, be free!

  5. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Exactly.

  6. Not Quite Alice Avatar
    Not Quite Alice

    I like you just how you are. 🙂 I’m rather insecure as well. It’s what makes us who we are.

  7. brittabottle Avatar
    brittabottle

    Absolutely and you’re welcome.

  8. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thanks, Ellen!

  9. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you!

  10. vanbytheriver Avatar
    vanbytheriver

    My sincere pleasure, Kitt. and thanks for the compliment. ?

  11. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    I am incredibly flattered, especially given how beautifully you write.

  12. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Interesting that your example is flowers pics on Instagram. Taking photos of beautiful flowers is one of my favorite ways of cheering myself up. Beauty is real and we respond to it.

  13. stockdalewolfe Avatar
    stockdalewolfe

    Ditto for me.

  14. caoimhelionheart Avatar
    caoimhelionheart

    Spot on Jamie, being educated is sexy, and to be real is to be accepting, being grateful for who you are and how you can help others. Great post Kitt!

  15. vanbytheriver Avatar
    vanbytheriver

    One thing I love about a blog is that we can formulate an opinion of another from their words alone. No picture needed, and often, just irrelevant.

    Your words reflect beauty, sensitivity and intelligence. That is what “real” is to me. ☺

  16. bipolarbarbieq Avatar
    bipolarbarbieq

    This makes me giggle a little bit in a slightly morbid way. My instagram tagline that I use for all my flower photos is “Remember kids, life is much more complicated than it seems on Instagram”. We’re all hard wired to judge I think, but we can work to manage doing it negatively on the other hand. I think so at least.

  17. blahpolar Avatar
    blahpolar

    Ah OK Ja I hear you. As you know, I possess those traits too 😉

  18. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    This time of night, neither do I. I think I meant that in writing this post about my appearance, I’m getting attention, and in so doing, satisfying my need for ego stroking. Always been something of a performer and attention whore.

  19. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    So true. Better to be true to yourself than try to conform to what others prefer. Thank you.

  20. blahpolar Avatar
    blahpolar

    I don’t understand?

  21. blahpolar Avatar
    blahpolar

    Me too, if that’s the case.

  22. brittabottle Avatar
    brittabottle

    I’ve come to determine that it’s impossible to expect everyone to like you. Some people just don’t click…and some people will find any reason to not like you just because.

    This is an awesome, real, and honest post, Kitt!

  23. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you.

  24. bipolarsojourner Avatar
    bipolarsojourner

    same answer for either, attractive mid-aged women. knowing the brain, your online personality and the success through your struggle only increases the attractiveness.

  25. Surviving the Specter Avatar
    Surviving the Specter

    You’re so very welcome!

  26. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you, Chris!

  27. Surviving the Specter Avatar
    Surviving the Specter

    You’re real. And I love you, girl! You provide so much for us here. X Chris

  28. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you, Jamie. I like your definition of being real. Humility and love is really what life is about, at least a life worth living.

  29. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    I guess I’m vain.

  30. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thanks, Vic.

  31. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Well, obviously it works, then.

  32. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you.

  33. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you, Sue.

  34. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you so much, Deanne.

  35. hirundine608 Avatar
    hirundine608

    Everyone wants to be thought of, as sexy. As we age, sexy has to be more about accomplishments and attitude. More than any sort of “Munroe” or “Dean” type of young sexy.

    Privileged? Maybe but who are we comparing ourselves to?

    I rate privileged, as someone who avoids the draft because of family connections. Or go to schools that is having the education paid for. Someone who has the backing of a cabal, or such. That would be politicians, military officers and bankers.

    Educated? Well that’s about desire. A desire for knowledge. You don’t have to be privileged or wealthy for that. That comes from the fire inside. You really cannot buy education. You can try but it takes work.

    For me “being real”, is not about photos without make-up. Or even about being sexy, privileged or educated. “Being real” is an understanding, the humility and love for our planet and the creatures that inhabit and share it. Being honest and lack of giant ego. An ego that fools us all into thinking we’re better than we are. “Being real” is coming to terms with life and the aging process. We are still all sexy, privileged and educated. But there is also an honesty with ourselves and an admission that our ego is not as large as we once may have thought it to be. Cheers Jamie.

  36. Just Plain Ol' Vic Avatar
    Just Plain Ol’ Vic

    I think you are wonderful exactly the way you are. Period.

  37. blahpolar Avatar
    blahpolar

    I try to remind myself of something I read who knows where – that any focus on one’s own appearance is actually a sort of vanity. It doesn’t work. Love your no awards button btw. I’m definitely nominating you for the all from now on 😀

  38. kari'd away Avatar
    kari’d away

    Thank you for your honesty. You’re inspiring.

  39. swtswtsue Avatar
    swtswtsue

    I do the same exact thing, Kitt. I wish we weren’t so hard on ourselves. Just like you, I’m doing my best to work on that.

    If only you could see yourself from my perspective. But that’s much easier said than done, eh? 😉 You’re lovely – in every sense of the word.

    I admire your bravery in sharing such a transparent post. You’re doing the work, and it’s showing. Well done, my friend. <3

  40. Deanne Avatar
    Deanne

    I think the #Be Real look awesome. To be honest like it a lot better. You seem more alive, more relax, more happy, more confident… I think it’s beautiful:-)

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