Last night I blew up and had a full-on manic temper tantrum. I forcefully threw my iPad down and then proceeded to flip over the kitchen table. Crap. I was at the end of my rope. I had overdone it over the weekend, painting the exterior of our house in extreme heat (and too much sun). My husband and I were arguing over home renovations, and I lost it, completely. I hate it when I lose it. At the time, our son was wearing noise cancelling earphones and playing a video game in his room, but he did see me ramping up earlier in the evening, getting increasingly irritable, argumentative, and reactive. I kept telling my husband that I wasn’t well, had overdone it, and couldn’t deal with discussing the home renovations.
After isolating myself in our bedroom for a while to cool off (and pack an overnight bag, which I did not use), I came back downstairs, and my husband was on the phone with family members trying to find out how his oldest brother was doing. His brother’s cancer has rapidly progressed to stage 4. Our 14-year old son came downstairs and tried to lighten the mood by reminding us of family members who successfully fought off cancer, including my mother who faced stage 4 twice and survived. Our teenage son was the voice of reason amidst rage, anxiety, and despair. He shouldn’t have to endure my unacceptable behavior, our arguing, or our worries. Prayers are welcome and appreciated.
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Thank you, Dani.
Try to extend yourself a bit of grace, Kitt. There is much happening in head and heart. Eventually, something’s gotta give.
He’s really upset. His brother means a great deal to him. He tends to call his older brothers for advice.
Belated prayers for everything, dear friend! Yes, please give your husband a pass for the time being – that kind of stress he’s dealing with sounds agonizing! XOXO
Agreed, but since he is dealing with his brother’s illness, I’ll give him a pass right now.
Praying for you, sweet Kitt. It’s also important to review the situation with your husband. Just as you need to be able to back away, he needs to be able to recognize signs and take you at your word when you tell him you have had all you can handle. If he can help partner with you to recognize signs and triggers, you’ll help each other stand together to avoid situations like these in the future.
Great idea. Thank you.
Great insight. Thank you.
I’m with Wendy. This is a learning experience. My problem is that I don’t remember from one episode to the other. That’s why I keep a Mind Palace on my bedroom door where I post reminders to my self. For this episode I might post “Remember not to work hard all day in the hot sun” and “Walk away from arguments.”
When you know you are at the end of your rope, you are still alright. It is when you cannot see the end; then you are in trouble. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Thank you, Glenn. Hopefully things are in a better place today, at least in terms of my termper tantrum. As far as cancer is concerned, we are still worried.
Thank you so much.
These things can happen to us all Kitt. For me, it sometimes means a tweaking of my meds is in order. But sometimes they just run their course. I find an apology to those affected puts things back in their proper place. For me it is more frustration than anger based and I try to make that clear to people. So long as it does not continue I can keep it in perspective of being an exception to my bahviour rather than the rule.
Everyone can have a bad day.
Thinking of you Kitt, we all are entitled to our “moments”. Like Vic said, don’t be harsh yourself. You are so loved and have so much support. You are an amazing inspiration to so many, including myself. <3
Kitt you are allowed to be human with all of the human faults we have. Don’t be so harsh on yourself – you family cares and loves you and in the end, that is all that matters!
I’ve been there. Be easy on yourself. Make any amends and move on. Today is a new day. Be firm with your boundaries. I will pray for you. You are only doing the best you can. I know that you are. That is what you have to remember. hugs
Wise words, Wendy. Thank you.
My son knows about my illness. He’s familiar with the world of psychotherapy and psychopharmacology. He didn’t see me flip the table, but he knew I was ramping. I apologized later in the evening for my irritable and argumentative behavior earlier in the evening. Thank you for sending love and peace. I appreciate it.
Thank you for your prayers. Yes, indeed, it is amazing when kids speak the truth. He’s a great kid, but I feel for him. Sensitive with highly strung parents.
Thank you, Lisa.
Sometimes it happens. It happens. Remember to be gentle with yourself. The hardest thing we need to do is to be able to pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judging them..that’s the definition of mindfulness. That doesn’t mean you can’t apologize, but don’t judge it. pay attention to what happened. You noticed what led up to it. How it escalated. Use that knowledge.
The biggest thing that has helped me is to learn to live in the now and to not judge myself so harshly. I used to be so hard on me, and that made it much harder for me to get past the things.
You are right, your son was the voice of reason. Or perhaps he is just the voice of hope.
Sounds like you all need a bit of that. Peace to you.
What an incredible boy your son is.
Try not to beat you up, we all go through it. All you can do now is work on ways to put yourself back together, then to talk maybe to your husband and son. I don’t know exactly where you are in discussing your illness with the latter, but I know when my girls were younger and I used to lose my patience and lash out, I would always then call them back and explain — in a manner appropriate to their ages — that I was very sorry, that I had gotten more upset and angry with them than I should and it wasn’t their fault. . . I guess I’m a little off subject and you get the idea. They’ve grown up, amazing trauma-free and understanding, and I send you love and peace.
Prayers Kitt! But isn’t it amazing when kids do that? Parenting props to you! Anyway, lots of love.
Xoxo for more strength.
Prayers for calm. And self-forgiveness. Usually I go to the depths after such an attack. Your list of things to do to your house awhile ago made me think you were superwoman and your husband, superman. It is all too much pressure to handle. Perhaps some things could wait. I send you a big hug– for the aftermath, if you are like me, is horrid. Forgive yourself. It happens.
Sending you love and prayers, Kitt. ♡
Thank you, Jim.
One of the hardest things for me to ever do is to step back when I can feel that hell is about to break loose. I have not done it well. My prayers and support go out to you. Jim