Tasmanian Devil (Looney Toons)
Last night I blew up and had a full-on manic temper tantrum. I forcefully threw my iPad down and then proceeded to flip over the kitchen table. Crap. I was at the end of my rope. I had overdone it over the weekend, painting the exterior of our house in extreme heat (and too much sun). My husband and I were arguing over home renovations, and I lost it, completely. I hate it when I lose it. At the time, our son was wearing noise cancelling earphones and playing a video game in his room, but he did see me ramping up earlier in the evening, getting increasingly irritable, argumentative, and reactive. I kept telling my husband that I wasn’t well, had overdone it, and couldn’t deal with discussing the home renovations.
After isolating myself in our bedroom for a while to cool off (and pack an overnight bag, which I did not use), I came back downstairs, and my husband was on the phone with family members trying to find out how his oldest brother was doing. His brother’s cancer has rapidly progressed to stage 4. Our 14-year old son came downstairs and tried to lighten the mood by reminding us of family members who successfully fought off cancer, including my mother who faced stage 4 twice and survived. Our teenage son was the voice of reason amidst rage, anxiety, and despair. He shouldn’t have to endure my unacceptable behavior, our arguing, or our worries. Prayers are welcome and appreciated.
[…] post was previously published on Kitt O’Malley and is republished here with permission from the […]
Try to extend yourself a bit of grace, Kitt. There is much happening in head and heart. Eventually, something’s gotta give.
Blessings,
Dani
Thank you, Dani.
Belated prayers for everything, dear friend! Yes, please give your husband a pass for the time being – that kind of stress he’s dealing with sounds agonizing! XOXO
He’s really upset. His brother means a great deal to him. He tends to call his older brothers for advice.
Praying for you, sweet Kitt. It’s also important to review the situation with your husband. Just as you need to be able to back away, he needs to be able to recognize signs and take you at your word when you tell him you have had all you can handle. If he can help partner with you to recognize signs and triggers, you’ll help each other stand together to avoid situations like these in the future.
Agreed, but since he is dealing with his brother’s illness, I’ll give him a pass right now.
I’m with Wendy. This is a learning experience. My problem is that I don’t remember from one episode to the other. That’s why I keep a Mind Palace on my bedroom door where I post reminders to my self. For this episode I might post “Remember not to work hard all day in the hot sun” and “Walk away from arguments.”
Great idea. Thank you.
When you know you are at the end of your rope, you are still alright. It is when you cannot see the end; then you are in trouble. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Great insight. Thank you.
These things can happen to us all Kitt. For me, it sometimes means a tweaking of my meds is in order. But sometimes they just run their course. I find an apology to those affected puts things back in their proper place. For me it is more frustration than anger based and I try to make that clear to people. So long as it does not continue I can keep it in perspective of being an exception to my bahviour rather than the rule.
Everyone can have a bad day.
Thank you, Glenn. Hopefully things are in a better place today, at least in terms of my termper tantrum. As far as cancer is concerned, we are still worried.