Hastywords asked me to participate in her #BeReal campaign. On my first response to one of her questions, I showed my insecurity rather than my confidence. Both are just as much a part of me. Just as real. I am not without self-doubt or self-loathing. I am both confident and insecure.
Here is her question and my first response. (I rewrote it and sent her a more confident response for publication.)
Q: What do you think most people think about you by just seeing your picture?
A: Left-hand image: middle-aged, fat, plain, sex-less. Right-hand image: white privileged bitch.
Honestly, I have no desire to analyze my response. Only want to put it out there. Sometimes I feel good about myself, other times I do not. I am not as sexy as I once was.
I do not present myself as sexy, for that would be inappropriate. My son would die of embarrassment, and my husband prefers that I present that side of myself in private only to him.
I am aware that I am privileged. I know that. I look like the educated, upper middle class suburban mother that I am. When I speak, I often use big words, which can be offputting. Not everyone likes me. So be it.