Still Insecure

#BeReal Image of me without make-up on left, wrinkles and turkey neck evident. Image of me with make-up and hair blown dry straight on right, no wrinkles or turkey neck in evidence.

Hastywords asked me to participate in her #BeReal campaign. On my first response to one of her questions, I showed my insecurity rather than my confidence. Both are just as much a part of me. Just as real. I am not without self-doubt or self-loathing. I am both confident and insecure.

Here is her question and my first response. (I rewrote it and sent her a more confident response for publication.)

Q: What do you think most people think about you by just seeing your picture?

A: Left-hand image: middle-aged, fat, plain, sex-less. Right-hand image: white privileged bitch.

Honestly, I have no desire to analyze my response. Only want to put it out there. Sometimes I feel good about myself, other times I do not. I am not as sexy as I once was.

I do not present myself as sexy, for that would be inappropriate. My son would die of embarrassment, and my husband prefers that I present that side of myself in private only to him.

I am aware that I am privileged. I know that. I look like the educated, upper middle class suburban mother that I am. When I speak, I often use big words, which can be offputting. Not everyone likes me. So be it.


40 responses to “Still Insecure”

  1. Thank you, Sheri.

  2. Kitt, I love the honesty you bring to each of your blogs.

  3. Thank you, Chris.

  4. That sound pretty real to me! It also sounds like a reality many of us share. Be real, be free!

  5. I like you just how you are. 🙂 I’m rather insecure as well. It’s what makes us who we are.

  6. Absolutely and you’re welcome.

  7. My sincere pleasure, Kitt. and thanks for the compliment. ?

  8. I am incredibly flattered, especially given how beautifully you write.

  9. Interesting that your example is flowers pics on Instagram. Taking photos of beautiful flowers is one of my favorite ways of cheering myself up. Beauty is real and we respond to it.

  10. Spot on Jamie, being educated is sexy, and to be real is to be accepting, being grateful for who you are and how you can help others. Great post Kitt!

  11. One thing I love about a blog is that we can formulate an opinion of another from their words alone. No picture needed, and often, just irrelevant.

    Your words reflect beauty, sensitivity and intelligence. That is what “real” is to me. ☺

  12. This makes me giggle a little bit in a slightly morbid way. My instagram tagline that I use for all my flower photos is “Remember kids, life is much more complicated than it seems on Instagram”. We’re all hard wired to judge I think, but we can work to manage doing it negatively on the other hand. I think so at least.

  13. Ah OK Ja I hear you. As you know, I possess those traits too 😉

  14. This time of night, neither do I. I think I meant that in writing this post about my appearance, I’m getting attention, and in so doing, satisfying my need for ego stroking. Always been something of a performer and attention whore.

  15. So true. Better to be true to yourself than try to conform to what others prefer. Thank you.

  16. I don’t understand?

  17. Me too, if that’s the case.

  18. I’ve come to determine that it’s impossible to expect everyone to like you. Some people just don’t click…and some people will find any reason to not like you just because.

    This is an awesome, real, and honest post, Kitt!

  19. same answer for either, attractive mid-aged women. knowing the brain, your online personality and the success through your struggle only increases the attractiveness.

  20. You’re so very welcome!

  21. Thank you, Chris!

  22. You’re real. And I love you, girl! You provide so much for us here. X Chris

  23. Thank you, Jamie. I like your definition of being real. Humility and love is really what life is about, at least a life worth living.

  24. I guess I’m vain.

  25. Well, obviously it works, then.

  26. Thank you, Sue.

  27. Thank you so much, Deanne.

  28. Everyone wants to be thought of, as sexy. As we age, sexy has to be more about accomplishments and attitude. More than any sort of “Munroe” or “Dean” type of young sexy.

    Privileged? Maybe but who are we comparing ourselves to?

    I rate privileged, as someone who avoids the draft because of family connections. Or go to schools that is having the education paid for. Someone who has the backing of a cabal, or such. That would be politicians, military officers and bankers.

    Educated? Well that’s about desire. A desire for knowledge. You don’t have to be privileged or wealthy for that. That comes from the fire inside. You really cannot buy education. You can try but it takes work.

    For me “being real”, is not about photos without make-up. Or even about being sexy, privileged or educated. “Being real” is an understanding, the humility and love for our planet and the creatures that inhabit and share it. Being honest and lack of giant ego. An ego that fools us all into thinking we’re better than we are. “Being real” is coming to terms with life and the aging process. We are still all sexy, privileged and educated. But there is also an honesty with ourselves and an admission that our ego is not as large as we once may have thought it to be. Cheers Jamie.

  29. I think you are wonderful exactly the way you are. Period.

  30. I try to remind myself of something I read who knows where – that any focus on one’s own appearance is actually a sort of vanity. It doesn’t work. Love your no awards button btw. I’m definitely nominating you for the all from now on 😀

  31. Thank you for your honesty. You’re inspiring.

  32. swtswtsue Avatar

    I do the same exact thing, Kitt. I wish we weren’t so hard on ourselves. Just like you, I’m doing my best to work on that.

    If only you could see yourself from my perspective. But that’s much easier said than done, eh? 😉 You’re lovely – in every sense of the word.

    I admire your bravery in sharing such a transparent post. You’re doing the work, and it’s showing. Well done, my friend. <3

  33. I think the #Be Real look awesome. To be honest like it a lot better. You seem more alive, more relax, more happy, more confident… I think it’s beautiful:-)

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