Tired of writing memoir. Not just sick of writing about my mental illness, sick of living the same struggles day after day. Do not want to end my life. Far from suicidal. Just want to end both my symptoms and my son’s physical and mental health symptoms. I’m WAY over it. Sick of being sick. Sick of my son being sick.
Sick of It
About the Author: Kitt O'Malley
Bipolar Writer & Mental Health Advocate
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Kitt, we have a choice to write about something else. Sometimes we have to let go of the thing we are holding onto the tightest to bring some joy to our day. I’m guilty of holding on to some really heavy things I cannot change. Perhaps, you and other readers of this blog response can show this tired, old man a new way to let go. Thanks.
Not easy to let go. Don’t be hard on yourself.
The only thing tougher than dealing with being bipolar, is watching your child struggle with it. Your words really reflect how hopeless I’ve been feeling. I’ feel I’m walking a thin line edging on insanity, worrying about my son, on top of trying to keep my shit together. Wow, I just really vented on you. I don’t have any one who can relate to this stuff to talk to. I hope I didn’t depress you further. I wish you and your son all the best.
No, I get it. I totally get it.
Hey Kitt,
I don’t exactly write about my illness…sort of around it. If I was doing a straight-up memoir, I’d have to do a little side writing once in a while as a fun outlet. Do you bounce into fiction writing to let your imagination roam around every so often?
RR
I don’t write fiction, but perhaps it would give me a break and exercise my creativity.
Sick of being sick too. Looking in my drawer of medicine and a month’s pill organizer worth of little daily boxes. Then I catch myself. I thank God for those meds., that I wish I did not need anymore. Oh the frustration. I get you Kitt. Hang in there.
Thank God for modern medicine.
I know, Kitt. I know. I’ve started two new medications in the last two months. One step forward, two steps back. (sigh).
Praying for you, my friend, and sending thoughts of love and comfort your way.
Thank you for your prayers. Sending you mine for adjusting to your medication changes.
Thanks, Kitt.
I just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you and your son, and I can appreciate the ‘sick of being sick’ feeling. I have that. I have days where I’m totally done with it, where I yearn to go back 10 years ago when things were more ‘normal’, when I just want to go back or go forward but without the health problems. It’s incredibly tough, and I know I can’t say anything to make it any better, I just want you to know you’re not alone and that there can, and will, be better days ahead. Caz x
Thanks. Hope future will be better.
You have my “like”, but what you really have is my understanding and sympathy.
Thank you!
I so hear that. For me it’s several decades of chipping away at chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia, and I really get that feeling of being sick of it without meaning something dire. Just sick of it. Sending visions of better days.
Thank you. I send you the same. Namaste.
Yes, your words are powerful Kitt…and they have reason to be. While ever you can write or speak, you are expressing that frustration and pain inside. That is loving yourself…and you are doing that well.
Thank you for sharing your heart, and trusting us to share in it also <3 😀
Writing about mental health all the time is intensive and tiring. Take a break, you deserve it x
So sorry you’re feeling down. I’m glad you’re not having SI though. You have excellent insight into your condition and it serves you well. Hang in there, my friend.
Thank you!
So with you … only with me watching my 2 (adult) kids and my (18 year old) grandson all try to deal with their mental illnesses, my daughter also with her chronic physical illnesses. I feel so darned helpless right now.
To think that it may never end is too much for me right now! I keep holding on to hope, even if it’s a tenuous hold.
The state of hitting a wall–of feeling stagnant, feeling stuck just SUCKS!
I love your honesty. You don’t sugarcoat things. You reveal yourself.
That’s why whenever I have the opportunity, I tell others about your blog.
I appreciate that you noted you’re far from feeling suicidal.
I encourage you to continue using your blog as a place to share what’s going on,
whatever that may be.
It WILL get better, I really do believe that, although I know it sounds Pollyanna-ish. 👀
I love you, Kitt! And I’ll put you in my 🙏 to the 😇
🌷🌹
💕
Dy
At least my son’s at school today! We decided to curb back his summer school schedule. He wanted to keep a full load plus Robotics. Now he’s taking just two academic classes plus Robotics.
That’s hugel – that’s awesome he’s at school today! 2 academic classes & Robotics sound like a healthier balance. You’re a great mom, Kitt. Not, I repeat not “Bad Mom”. Xo
Just read something this morning about the importance of memoirs – they’re guides to other people and to those who come after us. That makes our suffering purposeful. I think of it like the work of a group, for example, like Mothers Against Drunk Drivers.
On the humorous side, I love one of the quotes from despair.com (one of my favorite websites). I might have mentioned that quote here before. I use it to joke about my life and tell people that sometimes I feel that ‘the sole purpose of my existence is to be a warning to others’ HA!
Love the quote. Thanks.
Luckily we are not afflicted. Yet perhaps the focus requires shifting? Cheers Jamie
Without doubt. Like picking at a sore.
So sorry to hear this. But think about all the people you help by showing how you CAN persevere through it. That’s what keeps me going much of the time blogging about my struggles. It doesn’t make the pain go away, I know. But things do get better, angstrom unti by angstrom unit, day by day.
Angstrom by angstrom. Looked it up. Angstrom = one ten-billionth of a meter. Perfect. Even has angst in its name.
Yes, I know the fed up feeling. This, too, shall pass. Prayers, ellen
Eventually… at least he’s at school today.
I’m so