Just got rejected by an online psychotherapist using LiveHealthOnline. Ouch. Slap in face. No doubt because of my bipolar diagnosis. I understand that online therapy is not always appropriate. The therapist in question may not have had the proper background and training.
Still, it hurts, and I remain… I don’t know… Vulnerable… Feeling in need of support — specifically psychological support.
My psychiatrist, with whom my psychotherapist works, runs weekly group therapy, which I used to attend. But, I don’t do well in groups. My boundaries are poor. I take care of others and don’t get enough support for myself. I’m selfish right now and know that I need the undivided attention of a psychotherapist. I need some healing. Badly.
Honestly, my fantasy is to go on a therapeutic retreat. Something like a spa weekend, but including sessions with a licensed psychologist with expertise in bipolar disorder (which is a serious mental illness). Must maintain coping mechanisms. Cannot fall apart.
Rejected
About the Author: Kitt O'Malley
Bipolar Writer & Mental Health Advocate
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Hi Kitt… I am just seeing this one. How have you been?
Well, aside from a GI bug. Taking it easy.
Praying healing… peace of mind…refreshing for your soul. You’re amazing❤️💫e
Thank you, e. God bless you and all that you do.
Likwise!
Perhaps, your boundaries are not poor. You are taking care of others while not receiving the care you need to maintain your positive mental and physical health needs. It’s not selfish to seek attention and healing, it is necessary for your own good. How can you help anyone else if you are in crisis? “Must maintain coping mechanisms. Can’t fall apart.” Absolutes seldom work for most of us. Please give yourself some room to maneuver. I empathize with you as I also have the same diagnoses however finding time to take care of my needs is imperative to my recovery process. One day at a time. You can do this.
True. Thank you.
“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.”
Thank you, Mihran!
Sending good vibes your way. It’s good that you know what you need right now – so many don’t.
Thank you!
Glad you found the help you needed, Kitt. And if you ever find that therapy retreat ??? Sign me up. You’ll have lots of company.
Just staying at a local motel. Not very relaxing with a view and NOISE of toll road.
I do the same in groups. I have also done the same in life which has made me isolate a great deal from the human race 🙁 I do have a very few good friends but even so, some of my friendships can be overwhelming!
So get this! Even in the real world, there are licensed psychiatrists who won’t see us w/ BP because they think we’re “too hard.” Online services vary so dramatically. I was on one chat so formulaic I was pretty sure it was all AI — I felt like I was talking to Eliza, the original computer conversation program. Keep on using whatever works until you find the next thing that works. Hugs!
Saw my psychiatrist instead. Glad he had time to see me today. NO psychiatrist should refuse treatment of seriously mentally ill patients. Ridiculous. The “worried well” can be treated by their primary doctors. Psychiatry is specialized. We need their help.
I believe there is a fine line between a professional knowing the limits of his knowledge and being rude and inconsiderate. Just remember, if they don’t want you, you definitely don’t want them anyways! Just one step closer to finding “the one.”
My regular therapist is great. She’s just really busy.
I’ve looked into online therapists myself. I couldn’t get into see my CMHC therapist more than once every 9 weeks and it just wasn’t enough. When I read the fine print on the online sites, it was quite clear that they were not interested in anyone with a serious mental illness. I was left with the feeling that it might have been a liability issue. Sucks. The good news is that they hired more people at my CMHC and I can see my new therapist twice a month. She’s a better match too.
It takes training and experience to treat those of us with serious mental illnesses. In fact, I most prefer to see therapists who work in group practices with psychiatrists. Multi-disciplinary approach is best. Social workers, marriage and family therapists, psychologists, psychiatric nurses, and psychiatrists each have different perspectives and different training. Not that you must see all these professionals. Just saying each profession has its strengths and weaknesses.
Where can I sign up for a therapy retreat? 😉
So sorry this therapist turned you down, Kitt – I know how painful rejection feels. I believe this happened bc she wasn’t right for you – that the right therapist is still out there. Praying you find THAT therapist soon.
So sorry Kitt! I have an idea how that feels. I once had a fairly new primary care doctor freak out because I told him I was having mood swings and losing sleep, and I had to explain that I was bipolar so losing sleep was a bad thing. He seemed to panic and began to lecture me about taking controlled substances that he had prescribed, apparently thinking I wanted more controlled substances to help me sleep. He interrupted me when I tried to explain and told me I needed to see a psychiatrist in a way that was not kind. I have been afraid to be completely honest with doctors about my bipolar related symptoms ever since. Hope you feel better soon!
I am so sorry Kitt! I have an idea how that feels. I once had a fairly new primary care doctor freak out because I told him I was having mood swings and losing sleep, and I had to explain that I was bipolar so losing sleep was a bad thing. He seemed to panic and began to lecture me about taking controlled substances that he had prescribed, apparently thinking I wanted more controlled substances to help me sleep. He interrupted me when I tried to explain and told me I needed to see a psychiatrist in a way that was not kind. I have been afraid to be completely honest with doctors about my bipolar related symptoms ever since. Hope you feel better soon!
Now that TOTALLY sucks. Better to get your sleep meds from your psychiatrist who understands the importance of sleep. At least that’s what I do…
I am so sorry Kitt! I have an idea how thst
Thank you, Lisa!
I’m so sorry this happened! As you noted, the person might have no experience with bipolar disorder. You’re a GEM, and I hope that feeling of being slapped in the face (Don’t I know it well?) has melted and that it’s 100% gone ASAP.
I love you!!!!!!!
Dy
p.s. A therapeutic retreat sounds incredible. Speaking of places that offer such things, the 1440 Multiversity Center opened here last month. It’s a beautiful campus ten minutes from my home. Check out the classes etc. when you’re up for it!
https://www.1440.org/about/
Very cool. I’m doing a half-ass retreat at a local motel overlooking the toll road. (LOUD!)
Saw my psychiatrist “in real life.” He reassured me that I’m exhausted. My regular psychotherapist (who I love) had a cancellation, so I’ll see her next week.
Thank you for sharing this, it’s nice to know there are more humans out there instead of perfect creatures! I am sorry that the online therapy did not get a chance to work. I can only hope there are other avenues of help online you can try? I’ve been thinking of trying this myself… We’re rooting for you! Take care of you!
Thank you! Saw my psychiatrist “in real life” instead. Will see my very popular psychotherapist next week, since she had a cancellation.
I’m glad!
They should have been able to at least recommend someone. Anyone asking for help should never be left to feel isolated or rejected when reaching out. All of us do not respond well to that at the best of times.
At least on here you can express how you are feeling and hopefully some suggestions may arise so that you can find what you are seeking….maybe that is why it has happened, so that someone’s suggestion may lead you on a path…a lovely path of healing 😀
Good luck…enjoy the journey, it is taking you home 😀 <3
I agree, Mark. My initial emotional response was negative, as the title and image communicate. Turns out my psychiatrist was available! So I saw him this afternoon, which helped to reassure me that I’m just exhausted for good reason.
Good! About the availability…and good that you’re doing ok 😀
Now for the sleep bit…and let your body catch back up to all that has happened 🙂
Yep. Got to pull myself away from this computer…
Firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Rejection still hurts royally. I’m surprised that you were turned down.. but I’m glad that you knew you needed some counseling and reached out! Have you tried ecounseling? Didn’t realize you are an LMFT! On I go with my seemingly tangential post 😉 love your authentic and heart-filled posts, keep looking-your best fit for a therapist is out there!
Thanks. I have a great therapist, who I love. She’s just REALLY popular. My psychiatrist saw me today. When there, saw my therapist and learned she has a cancellation next week! Yay! Now resting…
take this with the intended nami, principle 9, we see humor as healthy.
the last paragraph sounds like the betty ford clinic. 🙂
Humor is a fabulous coping mechanism. Betty Ford clinic would be nice… Instead I’m spending a couple of nights at a local “hotel” overseeing a busy and raucous toll road.
I’m so sorry Kitt. That had to be hard to hear. I don’t do well in groups either and for the exact same reason that you stated. Sometimes it’s just really important to be selfish especially when it comes to your treatment. <3
My psychiatrist was available, so I saw him individually. My therapist was in the office, and I learned that she had a cancellation next week! Yay! I don’t have to wait until the end of the month to see her.
Oh that’s really good! I’m glad to hear that your regular people were able to see you quickly. Stay strong Kitt.
Thanks!
You are NOT being selfish. You are conscientiously trying to get a need met, and you deserve to have a therapist who “gets you”. Hoping for a better outcome next time. ((((Kitt))))
Thank you!
Really sorry that happened to you. Know exactly what you mean about groups. I always end up feeling that everyone’s problems are much worse than mine and feel guilty. I’m sure you know there are licensed therapists who work via skype. Hope you find someone. Keeping you and your family in my prayers p.
Thank you, Mary.
Oh, Kitt, I’m so sorry that happened! No wonder you’re feeling vulnerable and rejected. The therapy retreat sounds fantastic; would that we all had one of those. I hope you get the care you need–and soon.
I love retreats, but they can open me up and make me vulnerable when I need to cope.
You are not selfish. You take care of others but you must take care of yourself too. You are important and never think you or your wants and needs don’t matter.
Sending hugs. 😘
Thank you!
You’re most welcome. 😘
i know from personal experience, it’s easy to be hard myself. the match (word chosen to more closely reflect what happened) likely didn’t come about because the psychotherapist was inexperienced. phone based or web-based psychotherapist tend to be a little less experienced. for that reason, he felt like he couldn’t adequately handle the situation. That’s not a reflection on your condition but their ability. who knows, maybe they are being as equally hard on themselves with the feeling of i wish i could help this person but I just don’t have the experience.
I agree.
I’m sorry that this happened to you. Did they at least give you a reason as to why?
No. I’m pretty sure she was not equipped to treat me. Good thing to know one’s limits.
Your post is theraputic! Thank you for opening yourself up to us. This is where online listening becomes tricky. Do you just need for us to hear you? Or someone to talk this through. I’ll pick you need some reinforcement. I like you place the turning down of taking you as a patient as a lack of expertise on their part. This isn’t about you! Part of the strength needed to help ourselves conquer this disease is rising up again, and again. Don’t be shot down. There is the right person out there to connect with special Kitt. Part, the hard part, is never give up. It is not you, I say again. From experience, try and be brave to walk away and try again. Keep seeking through pain. Don’t surrender to the negativity hounding you. It is a battle, one you can win! Praying for you, Kitt. May this be a short interval to finding that right person. When they are right, you will connect on a level deeper than any therapy you have had in the past. Of course that weekend sounds fantastic too! God bless!
Thank you for your prayer. I first tried to connect with a PhD psychologist with years of experience, but timed out with her while filling out forms online. She must have gotten another client or went to lunch (or dinner or breakfast, for all I know). The second woman described herself as a psychotherapist and gave less information about her career — from which I similarly inferred she likely wasn’t equipped to counsel someone with bipolar. My issues are complex. I need someone MORE experienced and skilled than I am. (I’m a former psychotherapist, MA, LMFT.)
I once had someone tell me that we consider being selfish (or self-centered) as an evil thing, but where does the evil come in? It isn’t evil until it’s done to cause someone else pain… So, if being selfish is designed to put you in a better place, then so be it!
I’m sorry this happened, but there has to be alternatives, I’m sure.
And your therapy retreat sounds like an awesome idea! I’d love that too.
I’ll figure something out. I can go to group tomorrow night. That will do for now.
Well, it’s good that you do have an outlet. 🙂