Even with caregiver help, it’s been tough. Friday one of my mother’s occupational therapists told me she had asked nursing staff if my mother had been receiving any visitors. After being “on” since 11/14, I took time “off” to recuperate. My mother did not respond well. She refused to go to physical therapy and instead packed her bags. After a nurse called me, I raced over with my father to calm her down. Tough. I’m wracked with guilt.
Guilt Rears Its Head
About the Author: Kitt O'Malley
Bipolar Writer & Mental Health Advocate
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suggested mind frame shift, it is not your responsibility to recuse either of your parents; that puts you into a wonder woman complex. that’s a heavy burden to carry. instead, it is your responsibility to offer your parents all the love that you can this day. because of life, you will not be able to be everything for parents and that’s okay. too often you likely feel like that is not enough but it is all that you can humanly give.
True. Wise advise. Thank you.
on that sucks! i understand the impossible nature of what i am about to ask since i would likely respond in similar way but, don’t be too hard on yourself. focus on the days you have been there as oppose to the days you haven’t. just because someone’s idle chatter set your mom off then you does not reduce the excellent work and the grief you feel about your mother’s going ons. someone who infers you are not doing enough so is completely clueless.
Thank you.
My dear Kitt, please forgive my late reply! You know I think of you often; our close family friend who suffered a concussion/stroke and was expected to recover has gone in the opposite heartbreaking direction; he is not doing well. We’ve been helping the family out by caring for their 2 kids etc. I took a Twitter break and I haven’t read any blogs for days now except yours. Sending you love and strong hopes that your guilt has subsided, in part, with the support/insights of these wonderful comments…..sending you love & strength as always…..XOXOX Dy
So sorry Dyane. That is tragic – truly tragic. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family, your family friend and his family.
Thank you so much, Kitt!
It’s not realistic for you to be the only one shouldering all this, all the time. Shame on that OT for implying that. You must continue to take time for yourself – if you aren’t well, you are no good to anyone. Of course, feeling guilty comes with it but you have to ignore it.
I hope you can benefit from my experience of strokes, I’d like to share things with you because we had no input with my mum and a little background knowledge might have saved us from a lot of mental anguish. My mum, even a year on from her stroke will pack up her belongings when she has bad days. I don’t think she knows why she does it but often, it’s when a urinary infection is taking hold. The elderly stroke survivor is prone to urine infections and they can induce all kinds of emotional responses. In my mums case we would see a range of emotions; from tears to full on meltdowns – sometimes even physical attacks. It’s important to recognise that it isn’t your mum doing this to make you feel bad because she’s not necessarily in control of her responses. Strokes can bring on all kinds of confusion. It could be that your mum is tired, or simply having a bad day. I do think it might be worth asking the medical staff to check for a signs of infection, just to be on the safe side.
Keep being kind to yourself.
Thank you.