To join a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) Peer-to-Peer group, or not to join a NAMI Peer-to-Peer group? That is the question. If I am to volunteer for NAMI, I must first participate in a NAMI Peer-to-Peer group. This makes sense, yet I fear it. Though I speak openly of having bipolar disorder; honestly, I distance myself from those sicker than I am. Shades of grey, I suppose. I am, or at least I appear to be, “high functioning.” Few, if any, could tell from looking at me or talking to me that I have a mental illness. My appearance and behavior are socially acceptable and appropriate. No one can see what I think, or how I think, how quickly my mind races at times.

Recently I began attending a group of my psychiatrist’s patients. This group I enjoy. We come with different presenting problems. Everyone is what could be described as “high functioning.” I have a fear of peer-led support groups, and value a skilled, trained mental health professional as group leader. Peer groups definitely serve an important function in recovery from mental illness, for people need a place to go for support, and many do not have the resources required to get the support they need from professionals. I guess my fear of peer led groups goes back to my fear of losing myself in a group, it’s a boundary issue. I need some structure, some “professional” impartial distance. I need an outsider to help me maintain my otherness.