Aftermath of Suicide
When in the throes of suicidal ideation, you don't and often can't understand suicide's negative effects on those left behind. When I was eighteen, I thought my loved ones would be better off [...]
To Conform or Not to Conform
I always have had a beef with conformity, with hiding your authentic self to fit in with the crowd. Why not be brave and be yourself? Why not be different? Isn't that what [...]
Autobiographical Update
Today I added some autobiographical writing to my About pages. I describe the beginning of my struggles with mental illness and the sense of religious calling. For me, the two are confusingly intertwined, [...]
Back to the Mundane
As my mind has slowed, I've gone from prolific blog writing to playing solitaire on my iPad. Back to the inane, the mundane. Not as creative, but better able to take care of [...]
Hunger and Headaches
Now that I'm on a higher dose of Depakote (valproic acid), I'm always hungry and have a headache. I cannot satiate my hunger, and I tire of popping ibuprofens to relieve the dull [...]
Mosaic Tile Shelf
My son designed this mosaic tile shelf which I recently made. Having ordered a box of random broken Talavera tile, I ended up with a lot of yellow tile. Apparently yellow was not [...]
Mind Slog
Depakote (valproic acid) dosage increased. Thoughts slowed way down. Now slogging through my mind. Inspiration gone. Where is my muse? Know I needed to slow down, to catch my breath. Know this increased [...]
Inspiration
So now that I am no longer hypomanic, the big question is will I continue to write? Where will I get my inspiration without the push of manic thoughts and my need for [...]
Balancing Priorities
Motherhood is difficult. Over the years, I have felt torn between mothering, being a devoted wife, working outside my home, studying in seminary, and volunteering in my community. I have found myself repeatedly [...]
Living in My Head
I live my life in my head, in thoughts, in daydreams. My thirteen year old son, sitting next to me in the car, sees me gesturing to my internal monologue and urges, "Mom, [...]