Kitt O’Malley

Category: Bipolar Disorder

  • Aftermath of Suicide

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    When in the throes of suicidal ideation, you don’t and often can’t understand suicide’s negative effects on those left behind. When I was eighteen, I thought my loved ones would be better off without me. My suicidal ideation was so intrenched that it was ego-syntonic — it was in agreement with my sense of self,…

  • To Conform or Not to Conform

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    I always have had a beef with conformity, with hiding your authentic self to fit in with the crowd. Why not be brave and be yourself? Why not be different? Isn’t that what makes life interesting? As I have aged, though I still am very much Kitt, I find I have more in common with…

  • Autobiographical Update

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    Today I added some autobiographical writing to my About pages.  I describe the beginning of my struggles with mental illness and the sense of religious calling.  For me, the two are confusingly intertwined, as I can describe some of my manic symptoms as mystical experiences and have found meaning in them.

  • Back to the Mundane

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    As my mind has slowed, I’ve gone from prolific blog writing to playing solitaire on my iPad. Back to the inane, the mundane. Not as creative, but better able to take care of daily routines, pay bills, follow up on paperwork, go grocery shopping. Exhausted, though, and not up to cooking complete meals. Heated up…

  • Hunger and Headaches

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    Now that I’m on a higher dose of Depakote (valproic acid), I’m always hungry and have a headache. I cannot satiate my hunger, and I tire of popping ibuprofens to relieve the dull ache in my forehead. My body has adjusted somewhat to the increased dosage, no longer struggling to stay awake during the day,…

  • Mosaic Tile Shelf

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    My son designed this mosaic tile shelf which I recently made. Having ordered a box of random broken Talavera tile, I ended up with a lot of yellow tile. Apparently yellow was not as popular as other colors. My son and I looked at the tile array and he suggested sun and sky. It mirrors…

  • Mind Slog

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    Depakote (valproic acid) dosage increased. Thoughts slowed way down. Now slogging through my mind. Inspiration gone. Where is my muse? Know I needed to slow down, to catch my breath. Know this increased dose is temporary, that my mind will work better, quicker in the near future, after a month or two. Goal is to…

  • Inspiration

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    So now that I am no longer hypomanic, the big question is will I continue to write? Where will I get my inspiration without the push of manic thoughts and my need for catharsis?

  • Balancing Priorities

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    Motherhood is difficult. Over the years, I have felt torn between mothering, being a devoted wife, working outside my home, studying in seminary, and volunteering in my community. I have found myself repeatedly taking on and then reneging commitments due to conflicts in my responsibilities, the primary one being motherhood. On top of it all,…

  • Living in My Head

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    I live my life in my head, in thoughts, in daydreams. My thirteen year old son, sitting next to me in the car, sees me gesturing to my internal monologue and urges, “Mom, stop it. Live your life.” Yes, when I daydream, I am not living in the present. I must practice mindfulness, and remember…